Fa la la la la la la la la

Merry Christmas!

I know it's 35 hours early but I hope everyone's already feeling the "spirit" ;)

Christmas, we must keep in mind, that aside from all the gift-giving and cash-spending, is the celebration of the birth of our one and only Papa Jesus. The One who saved us from all our sins. Therefore we must take some time to recognize what we have done wrong, ask for forgiveness, make up for it and change.

Sounds mabait? Well I have my fair share of kagagahans in the past ano. Kagagahans such as;


1. My Calendar Boys. As my close friends (well probably even acquaintances) know, I used to have some guy engage in some pseudo relationship with me for a specific timeframe.. That is, one month. And I have been doing that no feelings involved and at some point I enjoyed and got used to it not considering the fact that men are homo sapiens too. A good friend's told me that it was a defense mechanism against achuchu achuchuchu. Well for whatever reason, it still is not good not taking someone's feelings seriously. So..

Boysss, I truly am sorry for being that kind of person when you met me. Thank you for trying to atleast make me realize that I am better than that. Thank you for your faith in me in spite of my lack of faith in myself. Thank you!

2. Mom. I am sorry for the times we argue... For not being able to understand at times. For sometimes being jealous of how you take care of my younger siblings. It's just that sometimes I wish you did that to me as well. But please know that I truly understand why. I understand what you've been going through those times and I am grateful cause I have learned a lot from all those experiences. As always, know that you taught me a lot of things,indirectly. I love you mama. :)

3. Papa. I am sorry for being distant. I am sorry if I couldn't tell you things which I could with mama. Iam sorry for not being malambing, I wish I was programmed that way if that's the only way for you to realize that I love you. I am sorry if you feel that I love you less. I am sorry if you have to always compare yourself with mom. Please know that I love you both, equally. I love you papa. Please, magpa checkup ka na. You look different these days. Please. Yung hospital date natin. You promised to go with me. Wag matigas ulo. May baby Kyle ka pa. I love  you papa, you're the first man that I have ever loved.

4. My siblings from another mother/father. His babies!!! I don't have anything to say sorry for because ni looooove ko naman kayo, you kids know that. I just want you to know that I love you all so much and that ate's always here for you to make you laugh with my silly jokes, give you advice, cook food, bathe you, pat your back till you sleep when you have asthma, you know...just here to remind you that you will never be alone and you have me to run to if you need anything. I love you so much.

5. Kuya kong panget. I just want to say sorry for making sermon all the time. If I said anything that might have hurt you. I understand the pressure you've been dealing with but Kuya, kasalanan mo yan. Oh ang harsh ko nanaman. But that's true. If you fail, first thing you have to do is acknowledge your mistakes. Tandaan mo yan ha. And from there, forgive yourself and turn things around. Lahat naman nagkakamali, what makes one person better than the other is how s/he deals with it. Secret to success? (kala mo successful eh) matuto kang ipahiya sarili mo, pagtawanan sarili mo. Then gumapang ka ng tahimik.. And prove everyone wrong. Be humble and brave to make choices that might make or break you.. But be sure to learn from them. Kahit ano naman mangyari we have God and our family to accept and love us in the end. I love you Kuya kahit binu bully mo ko.

6. Tricia. Sorry for not loving you more. For allowing others to treat you badly. For putting your safety at risk often. For not appreciating your worth. For not bathing you sometimes. Hehehe. Kadiri ka minsan noh.. I will love you more, will try atleast. You deserve the best. And wag kang uto uto.

7. God. Hi pogi! You know this na eh. Well sorry sa Lahat. If I don't get to visit you often. Alam mo naman lately the politics priests embed to their homilies diba. You know how much I want to praise and worship you. And I know naman even our small talks kahit while tumatae ako, they count. Diba po? I love you Lord and I know you love me too. Damang dama ko po! You NEVER left me. Minsan it's too overwhelming how much you love me back naiiyak nalang po ako. Thank you thank you thank you!!! Mahal na Mahal Kita. :)




And nangalay my fingers.

Bottomline is, let's all be beautiful people. Forgive ourselves and others. Be positive and give love.

Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!! :-)

I just.

Miss a lot of people and I still don't know what to do on Christmas. Well the pains of coming from a broken family.. Choosing whom to spend Christmas/New Year with. Eitherway I should tale advantage of this season to spend time with them.

Now my problem is I still don't know mhat my Christmas 2012 Project is.

Christmas isn't Christmas if I don't get to share. Last year I dedicated some amount (yes, just some cause I couldn't afford so much) to Ate Stella (my mang iisaw friend) and her kids for their Noche Buena. I did all the cooking and delivered food in their ihawan on the evening of 24th.

Now I tell you this; IT FELT SO GOOD. I have chosen Ate Stella because she's. A hardworking single mom and she's just always smiling and positive. I just admire her. :)

This year, some days before Christmas, I still don't know what to do :( and I feel so bad already. If I can't pull this off this year I will really feel selfish and ungrateful the whole year.

So I must dedicate the weekend working on it. Okay now I'm excited (moodswings?)

Anyways I missed blogging. My nonsense blogging. And I miss my bed.. And sleeping. So goodnight. ;)

Agreed!

- Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man, Steve Harvey

posted from Bloggeroid

If I die young.

I was checking my email and then I found this... Had a friend make me a eulogy.

Yeap, I made some of my friends write a eulogy for me. I'm not dying, I was just inspired by Morrie (Tuesdays with Morrie), who listened to his eulogy before he died.

But then again, I'm not dying. ;p

Upon reading this, I thought to myself, "How I wish the only man that I love can say things like these to me.."


BUTT, oh well.. here goes..









I was not privileged enough to know Tricia or TY as her friends call her, for a long time. In fact we just recently met. We started off on the wrong foot because of my stupidity but I have no regrets, if I weren’t stupid during that time then I wouldn’t have had the chance to meet a very wonderful person.

I noticed her the first time she set on foot on our office; she is the type that looks intimidating, a person who would not give a second of her time to an ordinary guy like me. But I was wrong. Once you get to know her, you will realize that she is not shallow and there is a really wonderful person behind the intimidating look.

If there is anything that I regret, it is the fact that I didn’t try fast enough to get to know her. She was a very wonderful person, often misunderstood because most people judge her because of what she wear, I pity those people, if only they dropped their high and mighty act, they might have seen what I see in her.

She came into my life when I was at my lowest, everything was a mess, I didn’t smile that often mainly because there was nothing or no one that can make me smile. Then I met her, my life suddenly had a 180 degree turn, things that were plain before started to appear colorful. Boring day to day stuff became something to look forward to. I can say that she saved my life, just when I was about to give up and start to just not care about anything or anyone, she came and gave me my second wind, a new purpose in life, a reason to look forward to every new day. She made me smile.

I learned much from her. Back then I used to think that the amount of money we spend would be proportionate to the amount of satisfaction or happiness that we would get out from it. I was proven wrong, so wrong. The few times we went out to get some drinks didn’t cost much but the way it made me feel was really extraordinary. She also taught me value the things that we have, even the tiniest things that most of us tend to not notice because others are not lucky enough to have or try those things out. She taught me lots of things, but the one thing she taught me that really stuck on me was to learn to be happy. Be appreciative of the things that we often ignore. We might miss out on lots of happy moments because we focus on the big events and ignore the little ones. I am eternally grateful that I picked this up from her.

I wish I could have known her more, be there for her, be the friend she could count on, be the guy she meets that would not treat her badly. I wish to make her see how special she is, and that there is so much more that she can offer aside from what other men tend to want from her. I wish, so freaking hard, that I could have given her all the love that she needed until the end of her days.

Her death is just so hard to bear; there are lots of us in this room who love her deeply, as friends or family. We will truly miss her. This I am sure of. But we must not dwell on the sorrow that we are currently feeling now. I know that she would not be happy if she saw us being sad because of her. Until the day we meet again, hold on to that smile for me.

posted from Bloggeroid

At the brink of deliverance.

I have a lot to say.

I AM SO BORED.

I am now very tempted to go to Republiq for some Wednesday rebellion but..

..I've to STAY good.

Yeheeeeessss, I've been myself lately. Thanks a lot to some people who believed in me. That I can go back to being Tricia and forget about the TY that I have been for some months after Gab and I's break-up.

Yea, you heard that right.

I've a little maarteng confession to make. I'm quite sure not a lot of people (who matter) will read this but if I am talking to God now and He'd want me to explain why I've been acting strong, manhid, bitchy, bully, asshole, abnoy, sabaw lately well here it goes.

I come in peace.

Labo.

Well...

Have you ever been in that situation when everything's sooo fucked up? As in FUCKED UP, in bold, all caps, italicized, exclamation point.

Well really, I have been taking care of myself for a long time now (long time=some 20 years). If there's one person who can define independence, that would be ME.

I don't wanna go about my childhood story or the fact that my parents weren't truly ready for the whole family thing and I had to stay strong for myself and siblings. And I grew up with that mindset: I have to be strong, or else everyone that I love would get hurt.

And so I've never subjected myself to anyone or anything that might cause me pain.

Until I fell in love.

After 21 failed relationships and 20 years of existence, I met someone whom I can actually call my katapat. And yes, he was Gab. I really did learn how to love. I learned the meaning of sacrifice (like so much), honesty, loyalty.. I learned how to get jealous.. to meet a boyfriend's parents and whole angkan, to forget about how I feel because his feelings are much more important than mine, to just give and not expect anything in return, to cry over missing someone, to upload cheesy videos on Facebook for his birthday or our anniversary, to not want anyone else but him, to get hurt and offended and still be the one to say sorry...

I actually felt that. So see, I'm human.

It was actually a good couple of years. I took a risk for the first time in my life. It was like a make-or-break situation for me. It was my first time, my first love (naaakkkks!).

Can I just say, before I talk about the pa-deep things, that we had a lot of fun while we were together. Those, I can say, were the happiest lovelife days of my life. And I was surprised to see that from being matigas and bato, I can be very malambing and patient pala. So yes, I did great. Even he, said so.

Anyway eto naaa.

Whenever I get mad/hurt/sad, I always tell my ex this:

"Please, wag mo sagarin pasensya ko. Ngayon lang ako naging ganito. Di ko alam ano mangyayari pag naubos pasensya ko. Di ko talaga alam."

WHICH IS TRUE.

If you guys only knew what happened, you will know why I was traumatized. Well sort of.

I GOT NUMB.

I did not want to. Who would not want to be happy again after a very dragging relationship right?

BUT I GOT NUMB.

I just wanted to have fun. And so I went on meeting new people, telling them that this should be all fun and feelings should never, ever happen.

Ay shit. I sound like a robot. Haha anyway.

I succeeded naman.

At least I was able to contain whatever I have (or don't have) inside.

So I thought I was doing well, protecting myself against all the pain relationships can give (and yes, he was the first man who broke my heart) but I WAS WRONG.

In a matter of months, I have hurt a lot of people. And that was sooo wrong. And I wish I could take it back.

Alam mo yung nawala ka sa sarili?

And then you ask yourself,

"What was I thinking?!"

And then all you can do is cry.

I was stupid, mean, selfish, and most of all... a coward.

Sobrang takot masaktan kaya nananakit is the exact description of the TY that I was for the past months.

And now I can admit that.

Why? Cause I'm not numb, not dumb either anymore.

I just caught feelings.

At EWAN EWAN EWAN ko ba, wala ng naniniwala sakin.

So boo.

Like the deserts miss the rain..

I missed blogging!!!!!!! Hullo.

Well, I have been very busy I dint have the time and inspiration to write but just so you guys would know, I am now.. a working gUrLz! Yes in that effect, I am now a career ehem.. WOMAN.

I now work as a Research Analyst which means my brain's damaged due to a lot of analyzing and critical thinking (one thing I wasn't sure I was capable of) BUTT I am very happy with my job and personal life. WHY?

1.) I am now SINGLE. I am focused and I love myself more now.

2.) I am living an independent, carefree life @ a condo unit with...

3.) The awesomessst Ma. Alyssa Beatrice Nacor whom I share work, food, clothes, whatevers with.

4.) I have met amazing people at work. My INT team's the best!!! I have my twin gay friend Mark, my schizo coffee-buddy Sherly, my sabaw seatmate Nico, and of course my lemondropping everyday-I-see-your-face friend Bea. :)

5.) I have been partying again, dancing like no one's watching. I just missed dancing under the influence of alcohol. HAHA. Nothing wild though, that's it. We dance. ;)

Anyways, still have a lot more to share but I need to rest. I just missed blogging so much I had to recover my password for this one! It's been ages! Follow-up post VERY SOON! ;D