Here's to bitching up!

When I'm bad, the world gets better, at least for me.
I don't get hurt, I don't expect people to care for and love me cause I know I don't deserve it.

When I'm bad, I'm numb... and love is but an idea that writers made up to entertain people and arouse emotions, and to earn fame and money. It is fiction and is just the same as Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty... Ideal, yes... Real, no.

When I'm bad, fun means getting drunk, no limits, meeting random and interesting people no strings attached, having a boyfriend just for the heck of it, leaving for no reason, meeting someone new... feeling again that same feeling that you get when your crush finally asked for your number, blah blah blah.

When I'm bad, nobody else's bad because any kind of treatment will do and everything seems good and okay, tolerable.

When I'm bad, you may hurt me, take me for granted, and not care for me at all and I wouldn't mind I swear!




But I am not bad... NOT ANYMORE. I have learned to know myself better and I found out that I am actually good. Oh God knows I'm good! And I have so much love in me, so much that I can give in just a snap. And I did, I so did, to just one... and I've no regrets whatsoever, no matter how much I have hurt in the past. I never pointed a finger, never tried taking revenge, and my thoughts would include just the 'how-to's on making him happy and making life better for him.

I am not bad... not anymore. I have learned to know myself better and I found out that I am actually good. Oh God knows I'm good! And I know I deserve better. I deserve to be loved and cared for, for I too might break, and I don't want that to happen, for I love taking care of and loving people. If I break, nothing would be left of me anymore, and I'd become that selfish and heartless person that I've dreaded to become.

If I'm wrong, and I really just don't deserve that kind of treatment, then maybe... I should just go back to being that bad version of me, now in HD.

So.

When I'm bad, I'm broken. I wouldn't have to worry then that I might break. Anyway what's there to break?

Just some worthless piece of crap.

Do not do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you.

Is that ever true? How come in my case, no matter how I try to be patient and really nice to someone, I still don't get the same treatment? I do not pick up a fight, I do not suddenly get all cranky, I do not ever get so mad for something so petty. How come I still get these things from other people? I don't get mad easily and when I do get mad, it wouldn't last a day I bet you I will soon forgive and literally forget. Am I a bad person to deserve all these? Or am I just WEAK that I can't go head to head with normal people when it comes to showing negative feelings?

Hey! I do get mad, I so do. Problem is, it goes away easily with a simple sorry, a joke, or sometimes I just get tired of getting mad, it's just so heavy I couldn't take it. :/ Now I don't know if this is a bad thing or what. I just resent the fact that people might not take me seriously anymore knowing that I am this weak. i don't want to be disrespected, taken for granted, or abused because of my capital PATIENCE. I have tried for a long time now to try to release anger but I always end up feeling sorry for the object.

Ako pa nahihiyang magalit kasi baka masaktan ko sila.

Ang bait pakinggan diba? It is not good, it is not healthy I tell you. I'm afraid that someday I will get tired of being patient and I'll become the exact opposite. I don't want that! :| I have to figure this out real soon before I snap, and worse, the object is someone who is really, really important to me. I might lose that person, and he might lose me, all of me, including my respect for him. :(

It's been a year since he saved me from all my worries and misery.

I was in our Social Responsibility class a while ago when Ivan called my attention and reminded me of the date today. It is actually the 3rd of August, the date that was supposed to be Jay and I's first anniversary. I KNOW I SHOULDN'T BE BLOGGING ABOUT THIS STUFF AT ALL BECAUSE I HAVE A BOYFRIEND WHO'S BEEN VERY GOOD TO ME AND WHOM I'M TRULY, MADLY, DEEPLY, AND UNCONDITIONALLY IN LOVE WITH.

Buuuttttt...

This is MY blog, my outlet, and this is where I could, if you may, release all my emotional outbursts less the sugarcoating and pretending.

Well, I just couldn't explain how I felt when I was reminded of what the date was, of what was. (Puro was???) Nag-hang ako for a moment there and then I tried to grasp what really was I feeling. I was not happy, I was not sad. I've been thinking all day (though nobody's ever noticed) about things, how it happened, and why August 3 happened yet the anniversary did not.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy with my life now and the decisions I have made which made way for WHAT I AM AND HAVE NOW. Probably I am feeling a little guilt for what I did to him, and to the others. They've all been very very good and loyal to me and I know, I had my share of shortcomings too. Of course I couldn't and wouldn't tell you that I have been bad. I really felt love for those people that I used to exchange I love yous with it's just that, love is not enough to make relationships work. Agree? There is some sort of clash between two people of different DNAs and maturity, drive to make things work, respect, understanding, and the likes are expected from both parties.

Relationships aren't just about being happy together, feeling love, kilig... it is hard work! I have read in some magazine years back that we should choose to be with someone whom we share values and beliefs with.

I beg to disagree. We may never find someone who has the same values, likes, and beliefs like ours. We may find someone whom we share a thing or two in common with, but not totally on all aspects of life. That is why there is such thing as compromise. :) We would always meet people who are exactly and perfectly our opposite and we could also, if we try and want, get along well with them. I believe that love is not equivalent to compatibility.

Love is when you dare to be yourself, you realize that he is so unlike you, you respect him and his views, you meet halfway or sometimes you give way so as to avoid hurting the other, and then you realize that what you have been doing is so hard compared to being with someone who is almost like you, but in the end you just smile and say; "It's all worth it.".

I never intended to hurt anyone and if I did, I AM SORRY (from the bottom-rock part of my <3). Someday you'll learn that I had a point and my reasons were not excuses but reasons, really. You might even thank me for giving way to your soon-to-be great love. AYIHEEEE!!!! BOOMBOOMPOW!!! :)

Mind if I join?

My two most favorite male artists. I would want to see them both dance in the rain, topless! ;))

UN-BUSY BEE.

I did not attend classes today cause the weather sucks and so I was not feeling well when I woke up earlier this morning. My throat was sore and my head hurt like hell. I have been in bed all day, I get up when I have to eat or drink then I go back to bed. This is my most productive day to date! :)) Well it would be the suckiest too if it weren't for Gab who paid me a visit after his class. So my day ended well, and I think it got even better after we prayed the rosary because I got so hypy hypy after I made videos with my cousins Anton and Diego which, will be posted here soon. :)

K.

Sobrang laughtrip lang. Hahahaha I seriously admire her, she's one of the most talented comedians I know. :) And her blog's so funny but at the same time sensible. Malaman at palong-palo! Try... http://www.kbrosas.tk/ :D

This might sound a bit odd.

But I made a Tumblr account just so people may leave me messages, as in write me letters! Hihi. Landi ko. Do visit please! :D

http://letters4tricia.tumblr.com/

I missed you!

I finally decided to go back to blogger. I will be posting here for a while. :)
Why? Please refer to my tumblr account.
I will be posting soon, I just have to rest my burning eyes!
Sooo... bye for now! :)