When I'm bad, the world gets better, at least for me.
I don't get hurt, I don't expect people to care for and love me cause I know I don't deserve it.
When I'm bad, I'm numb... and love is but an idea that writers made up to entertain people and arouse emotions, and to earn fame and money. It is fiction and is just the same as Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty... Ideal, yes... Real, no.
When I'm bad, fun means getting drunk, no limits, meeting random and interesting people no strings attached, having a boyfriend just for the heck of it, leaving for no reason, meeting someone new... feeling again that same feeling that you get when your crush finally asked for your number, blah blah blah.
When I'm bad, nobody else's bad because any kind of treatment will do and everything seems good and okay, tolerable.
When I'm bad, you may hurt me, take me for granted, and not care for me at all and I wouldn't mind I swear!
But I am not bad... NOT ANYMORE. I have learned to know myself better and I found out that I am actually good. Oh God knows I'm good! And I have so much love in me, so much that I can give in just a snap. And I did, I so did, to just one... and I've no regrets whatsoever, no matter how much I have hurt in the past. I never pointed a finger, never tried taking revenge, and my thoughts would include just the 'how-to's on making him happy and making life better for him.
I am not bad... not anymore. I have learned to know myself better and I found out that I am actually good. Oh God knows I'm good! And I know I deserve better. I deserve to be loved and cared for, for I too might break, and I don't want that to happen, for I love taking care of and loving people. If I break, nothing would be left of me anymore, and I'd become that selfish and heartless person that I've dreaded to become.
If I'm wrong, and I really just don't deserve that kind of treatment, then maybe... I should just go back to being that bad version of me, now in HD.
So.
When I'm bad, I'm broken. I wouldn't have to worry then that I might break. Anyway what's there to break?
Just some worthless piece of crap.
I don't get hurt, I don't expect people to care for and love me cause I know I don't deserve it.
When I'm bad, I'm numb... and love is but an idea that writers made up to entertain people and arouse emotions, and to earn fame and money. It is fiction and is just the same as Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty... Ideal, yes... Real, no.
When I'm bad, fun means getting drunk, no limits, meeting random and interesting people no strings attached, having a boyfriend just for the heck of it, leaving for no reason, meeting someone new... feeling again that same feeling that you get when your crush finally asked for your number, blah blah blah.
When I'm bad, nobody else's bad because any kind of treatment will do and everything seems good and okay, tolerable.
When I'm bad, you may hurt me, take me for granted, and not care for me at all and I wouldn't mind I swear!
But I am not bad... NOT ANYMORE. I have learned to know myself better and I found out that I am actually good. Oh God knows I'm good! And I have so much love in me, so much that I can give in just a snap. And I did, I so did, to just one... and I've no regrets whatsoever, no matter how much I have hurt in the past. I never pointed a finger, never tried taking revenge, and my thoughts would include just the 'how-to's on making him happy and making life better for him.
I am not bad... not anymore. I have learned to know myself better and I found out that I am actually good. Oh God knows I'm good! And I know I deserve better. I deserve to be loved and cared for, for I too might break, and I don't want that to happen, for I love taking care of and loving people. If I break, nothing would be left of me anymore, and I'd become that selfish and heartless person that I've dreaded to become.
If I'm wrong, and I really just don't deserve that kind of treatment, then maybe... I should just go back to being that bad version of me, now in HD.
So.
When I'm bad, I'm broken. I wouldn't have to worry then that I might break. Anyway what's there to break?
Just some worthless piece of crap.
no! don't go bad again.
ReplyDeleteyou've made progress. there will be times like this. tinetest k lang ni God if you've really changed.
tinetest k nia just cause He saw you're improvement. He just wanted to know you're limits plus hindi n exciting ang iyong life if there's no challenges like this.
stay strong. you're good at what you're doing right now.
Thank you so much! I shall keep that in mind :)
ReplyDeletei agree. don't be, because you're not and i know you are better than that. well you can be bad again if you want but, you can be like me who chose options. since then love hasn't come my way.
ReplyDeleteif you want to find love again, you have to stay good or you can be like me and have all of your options.
Hi Vincent! Do I know you personally? :)
ReplyDeleteAnyway yes, I wouldn't be that bad person again. I don't need options, it complicates life more. I have found love, and I don't have any more options... I have chose to be good. :)
Thank you :)
thats nice to know and yeah, i am your friend :)
ReplyDelete